Wait, Rick Perry was still running for president?

Did you guys hear?  Apparently Rick Perry, everyone’s favorite racist, mass murderer Texas governor, Rick Perry, has dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination.  In even bigger news, apparently Rick Perry was STILL running for president as late as yesterday!

I honestly thought Perry had dropped out months ago.  I mean there was the whole Republicans at a debate cheering for his record number of people put to death thing.  Then that whole uh…….big rock with an offense sign on it that turned out to be the name of his Texas hunting camp thing.  Oh, and there was that time he was totally drunk during a speech!  Remember that!?  And of course, who could forget (get it?) when he forgot a major part of his governmental reform in the middle of a debate.  Honestly, Perry’s campaign should have been over after any one of those incidents.  He had almost as much embarrassing shit go down as Herman Cain did!  And yet he hung in there, just like the stubborn southern douchebag that we all knew he was.

Well, adios Rick Perry!  You may have meant well, but you just couldn’t keep your shit together when the cameras were on.  And when you’re president, THAT’S ALL THE TIME!  And speaking of when the cameras were on, we might as well stop watching those debates now everybody.  Perry was really the last of the fun candidates.  Now we’re just left with four boring, angry, spiteful, hate-filled, homophobic trash-talkers.  You thought the debates were nasty before?  Just wait and see what happens without the soothing presence of Rick Perry and that pleasant southern draaaaaawl of his.