The Sauced Bulletin

So the Grammy People, or whatever their governing body is called, released their nominations yesterday for what has become the most laughably out of touch awards show around:  The Grammys!  Honestly, does anyone even watch and/or care about the Grammys anymore?  Do the Grammys actually reward the best music released in the past year with the recognition it deserves?  These are questions for another day.  Right now we are here to talk about how fucked up the nominations are and how whoever is behind the Grammy Awards clearly has no idea what year it is!  NEATO!

Now, I’ve been reading a bit about the press’s reactions to the Grammy nominations.  You know, the snubs!  The surprises!  This year people seem to think that Kanye West and Taylor Swift were both SNUBBED because their albums (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Speak Now, respectively) were not nominated for Album of the Year.  SCANDAL!  Those two records were huge!  Especially Kanye’s, which topped almost every conceivable list last year as the best album of 2010………Wait a minute…..2010?  Oh yeah, now I remember why it shouldn’t be a big deal to anyone that Kanye’s or T-Swift’s records weren’t nominated:  THEY CAME OUT OVER A YEAR AGO!!!!!  My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy came out last November, and Speak Now came out last October .  OCTOBER!  How can an album released over a year ago be eligible for an award it will be given NEXT FEBRUARY!?!?  Ugh.  It makes no sense.  Also, Rihanna’s album Loud IS up for Album of the Year, even though it too came out last November.  Rihanna even had time to release another album since then!  Why do I seem to be the only one who notices this, or at least the only one who thinks it’s a problem?  Oh right, because nobody gives a fuck about the Grammys.

In addition to nominating albums from seemingly any year in the past decade, it is widely known that the Grammy People are unfamiliar with “good” or “interesting” music.  I know I’m beating a dead horse with this, but come on, Grammy People.  Are these Album of the Year nominees supposed to be a joke?  Here they are:

-“21” by Adele

-“Wasting Light” by Foo FIghters

-“Born This Way” by Lady Gaga

-Some album by someone named Bruno Mars

-the aforementioned Rihanna album from last year

I would love to sit down with someone who actually participated in nominating these albums and ask them, seriously, man to man (or woman), if they truly believe that these are the five best albums released in the past year.  Because they obviously ARE NOT!  Bruno Mars?  Foo Fighters?  RIHANNA!?!?  Rihanna doesn’t release albums, you guys, she releases a few laboratory-created singles designed to sell millions of copies, sandwiched between 7-10 filler songs that nobody ever hears.  I’m pretty sure her non-singles don’t even have titles beyond “Track 5” or “Ballad” or “Edgy, In-Your-Face Sex Song”.  I’d be ok with Adele winning because she’s talented (even though, I’m sorry, that “Someone Like You” song is massively overrated.  It’s only five minutes long, but so boring it feels like about 10 minutes) or Lady Gaga, since she’s at least entertaining.  But seriously, this field is pretty weak.  At least last year Arcade Fire was nominated (and won!) so there was one quality album among the group.

So this year the Grammys have decided to just own up to their reputation as an expensive popularity contest, owned and operated by the mainstream music industry, and ignore almost every artist with any actual artistic merit.  Except Bon Iver!  he got a bunch of nominations!  Yay Bon Iver!  Oh, and Radiohead are up for Best Alternative Album (whatever that means), but they always are so that’s not news.

So get ready for the Grammys, everybody!  Camp out for tickets!  Camp out in front of your TV to get a good seat!  ALL YOUR FAVORITE BANDS WILL BE THERE!  Like Daughtry and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and PINK!  OMFGZZZZZ!!!!