So like, Rick Perry and Herman Cain don’t get to be presidential candidates anymore, right?

After what’s gone down in the last week or so, I think we can safely call it a day for the “campaigns” of Rick Perry and Herman Cain, don’t you think?  I mean one of them can’t put together a cohesive sentence, or remember important elements of his policies.  And the other one has apparently sexually harassed every woman he’s ever worked with.  You don’t come back from shit like that!  Not up in here!  Forget it, Jake, it’s 2012 Presidential Election-town!

I am kind of sad that Herman Cain has crumbled this way though.  Fuck Rick Perry, he sucked from the start and is essentially just Bush 2.0, but Cain is one entertaining nutjob.  I feel the same as I did when Sarah Palin decided not to run: relieved on the one hand that this crazy person won’t have the chance to be president, but disappointed that we’ll miss out on all the great comedy they provide once they’re gone.  Cain running against Obama, having to DEBATE Obama, would have been a fucking blast to watch.  But alas, it just wasn’t meant to be.

So I guess they can just give the nomination to our old pal Mittens Romney right now, huh?  I mean he’s the only reasonable choice:  a smarmy, thoroughly unlikable businessman with no real political stance except for whatever will get him elected.  But hey, much like John Kerry in 2004, somebody has to go out there as the sacrificial lamb and lose to the current president. 

So bye, Herman Cain and Rick Perry!  You guys did great!  Have fun embarrassing yourselves in the private sector!