The Sauced Bulletin

Oh boy.  So this is the kind of day it’s going to be, huh?  Did you watch the link?  WATCH IT!  Watched it?  Good.  So I get to work today, turn on my computer, and there in front of me is the cast of Fox & Friends just laughing it up in a mixture of horror and incredulity at Grinnell University’s new gender neutral floors.  GENDER NEUTRAL FLOORS!?!?  You heard it here first, folks, there is at least one floor at Grinnell where, as Steve Doocey puts it, you can be male or female, gay or straight (which are not genders), transgender, NO GENDER, whatever you want!  Can you believe it!?!  First it was co-ed schools, then  co-ed dorms, then co-ed floors (which the asshole on the far right of this clip thought were “edgy enough”) and now look where we are.  Before you know it they’ll be letting women vote and play sports and stuff.  WITH THE GAYS!

Now look, I just graduated from college and at my school, the dirty hippie commune that it was (see: elite northeast liberal arts university), we had co-ed floors in our dorms.  And on those floors there were often gender neutral bathrooms!  I mean think of the convenience when everyone has two bathrooms to choose from.  SCANDAL!  But seriously, how is this gender neutral floors thing so controversial to these people?  The idea of co-ed ANYTHING is obviously just too crazy for the asshole on the right (I don’t know his name so I’m gonna keep calling him that) and his reaction just demonstrates how behind the times the current conservative school of thought is.  And oh, Steve Doocey, you know that daughter you have at BC?  The one, if she were to shower next to a guy, it would make you very uncomfortable?  Well, at this point she almost certainly showered WITH a guy because that is what you do at college.  Sorry to break it to you man, but a lot more fucking goes on at school than when you went during the middle ages.

And, Gretchen Carlson, go fuck yourself.  EVERYTHING is not changing because of some tiny school in Iowa’s dorm policies.  If you’re so frightened and angry about it, don’t go to Grinnell and don’t live on the gender neutral floor.  But don’t worry, I doubt you’d be able to get into Grinnell anyway since you have the IQ of lawn furniture.

So watch out everybody!  The gays are coming to make YOUR school a safer, more accepting place next!  STOP THEM!